Instead of saying ‘NO’ to your toddler, say this

Good morning, mamas!

I have been meaning to share this post for a while now, but never get around to it. I finally found the courage to finish it and share with you. And, I found the cutest photos too! Little lady A loves to play in this teepee, along with her brothers.

Sometimes I wonder when I share things like this that you will think that I am this or that, but in all honesty I just want to share what works for me and what makes my life easier in hopes it would make your momlife easier too. I am all about building up this mom community, and uniting in motherhood.

How to say ‘no’ to your toddler

We all deal with tantrums here and there, and find it hard to explain to our our kids when they are not allowed to do something. Whether you have a one year old, three year old or a five year old, saying ‘no’ to them almost always turns into a tantrum, screaming and just an awful situation. This was me too, and still is sometimes. But, over the past year or so I have found a different way of saying ‘no’ to them and it has been working so well. I am actually surprised how well it has worked. Now, I am not saying this will work for everyone, of course not. We are all different, and so are our kids. But, I wanted to share this so that you can at least have the information and try it if you feel like it.

One Year Old: Use Distraction to say ‘No’

I have a one year old (fourteen months actually), a three year old and an almost five year old (in May), so I have figured different ways to say ‘no’ to all three that works for their ages. For example, my fourteen month old does not really register the word ‘no’ and still does what she wants, which is why I use distraction with her. She is little enough to quickly forget about the forbidden objects and will be drawn quickly to something new you show her, at least for sometime.

Three Year Old: Use Distraction with Encouragement to say ‘No’

As for my three year old that’s very stubborn, and does not take a ‘no’ for an answer I use a different strategy of distraction and encouragement for him and tell him, ‘no’ but if you do this, this and this then you can have it. For example, when they are asking for juice in the morning with their breakfast, I always say ‘no’ and say that after they finish everything from their plate then they can have juice. Of course, it doesn’t always work but practice makes perfect. Every morning we do the same thing, and every morning it gets better. Now, we are at the point where he understands that. Same thing goes with morning routine – before, they always want to run out of the bed and turn on the tv to watch their show.

But, I said ‘no’, and that first thing is first – make your bed, get dressed (I leave out their clothes on their bed), prep their backpacks for school (Vasilije), and library (Mateja), put out shoes and jackets by the door, and then they can go and turn on their show and watch while I prep breakfast. We started this in September when Vasilije started school, and now we are in March and in a morning routine. Do we have bad days? Of course we do. We are not perfect.

Five Year Old: Use Distraction with Consequences to say ‘No’

My five year old has a great concept of ‘no’ and what it means, so for him it’s very easy to understand when I say, ‘no’ we cannot play now we need to get ready for school. He may not be always happy, but he will do it. He knows that if he doesn’t that he will be late to school, etc. There are times when he does the same thing as my three year old, but we are learning every day and saying ‘no’ is not a bad thing. We just choose to say it a little differently around here.

Another example is, we will be at Target and they know we are not there to buy toys, etc., but sometimes they still ask and I say, ‘no’ we need to pick up what we came for so can you help me find things from our list. That works so well, because my five year old loves helping out. He feels all grown up when I include him. And, of course my three year old wants to be part of it too.

Avoid the Issue

I also firmly believe that you cannot bring a child somewhere where you’ll constantly find yourself saying ‘no’ to them. I mean, take them places where they are less likely to get in trouble and where you’re less likely to say no which also means leas stress and more joy for you. This may sound silly, but don’t let them walk around all the breakable stuff at Target, instead if you’re going to let them walk do it by the linens, etc. I usually have Anastasija in the cart when we are at Target (or any store for that matter), and the boys are walking because I know she will be knocking everything over and I’ll be saying ‘no’ a million times without any effect. While, the boys know not to touch things over, and that they can break. I let Anastasija walk in the linens area, because if she drops a towel it doesn’t matter – pick it up, and move on. I don’t need to say ‘no’ to her there.

Say it Like You Mean It: ‘No’!

And then sometimes, when all else fails say it like you mean it – I am not the type of a mom that will sit here and say, ‘oh no sweetie, don’t do that’ as I feel like that sends such mixed messages to the child. It’s almost discouraging, as if they are not sure if you really mean it or what you mean to be honest.

When I say, ‘no’ I say it like I truly mean it, of course I tend to stay calm but I am firm in my ‘no’, right to the point. For example, when we are getting out of the car and they just want to run around the parking lot, that’s when I say firmly No.

And if they attempt to do it anyways, I’ll make it a point to bring them back in the car, back into their seats, buckle themselves up and all so that I can get my point across. I know it takes more time, and all but this is the way I feel like I can teach them more discipline and for them to understand – so that next time, they won’t do that. They will wait for me.

You can use code: 15TEEPEE15 to get a discount on your purchase, just click the image above. We got the one in gray, but the pink is so cute too! 

Xoxo,

Vesna

Find us on Instagram @motherhood_charm and let’s connect to. We share everything from style, to motherhood tips, daily mom moments and everything parenting. And, if course you’ll always find a cute cup of coffee.

16